Looking over my scrapbook

I’m very excited that I’ll be launching my new website very soon. This one’s been good for me; it’s just time for a little pre-Christmas tidy up, complete with new shoes and hair.

What’s been so fun is going back through all of my content over the last couple of years. I get to immediately associate where I was at that time and what was going on in my life, a bit like looking back through a scrapbook.

It’s true that when we’re on this journey that we often don’t take time to look back and admire the view. That’s because we’re always thinking that we have to move forward, to get further, higher, deeper, whatever. I am very guilty of this particular desire. It’s almost as if we have to “schedule in down time” as my friend likes to call it.

That in the end is a bit like skipping Savasana. It feels like it shouldn’t really matter, however, it’s the thing which matters most, the pose which is most challenging and most transformative. Plus, it is so honest to goodness de-lic-ious.

Spinning the wheels...

Over the next few weeks I'm going to be taking a journey through the chakras. It's a journey I've taken before, yet with each review more is revealed in this very ancient wisdom. Chakras are said to be vortexes of energy, each having their own special feeling. Like those moments when you've been sitting in a room and someone says the most inappropriate thing. The energy suddenly changes. That's how you know you're tuned into your perception, we can all feel that awkwardness.

Once we begin to understand the chakras and how they work individually and in relation to the other chakras we can start to interpret why we seem to get stuck in certain situations. So if we can't hold down a job or are always short of cash, that's our body telling us that something is out of sync. Because chakras can be either too open or too closed, we're looking to fin balance. We can also note that they are not linear in nature, our crown chakra may be well balanced at the same time as our heart chakra is sputtering like a Catherine wheel which hasn't got going.

My understanding of the chakras first began after I was involved in an experience in which I felt as if I had literally been uprooted. That's honestly how I felt, like all of a sudden everything which I felt was solid, wasn't and I had to find a new way. In that moment I had a choice. The choice to go and plonk myself where I had always been or to go and find some soil which would nuture and support me in a way which would give me the zip and life I want.

Alone with everybody

The thing about yoga is that you don't get to do it alone. Even though I spend so much time on my own. There is a difference between being on your own and being lonely. Let's face it, yoga is a solitary endeavour, we do it in our own little mat, sometimes we break up into partners, mainly we're in our own body and mind. I practice mostly on my own, I plan my classes on my own, when I teach it's me up there at the front on my own. The whole purpose it to go inside yourself and know you better.

So how come I never feel lonely? I never feel lonely because this is a very ancient practice, millions have walked it before me and millions will walk it afterwards. When I chant, I chant words which have been spoken through the ages and will continue to be sung because of the power in their resonance. When I'm lucky enough to be in a crowd in a class there is an energy which lifts everyone. When I read a text, the words have been read and spoken so, so many times.

I am connected through this practice. We are all connected.  

A small confession

I have a little confession to make... I've fallen off the practice bandwagon -*shock*. I know it happens; I’m not flaying myself with a birch branch about it and I know our practice ebbs and flows, that’s just how it is. However, I have noticed how it’s affected my life in some very specific and clear ways:
 

Goodbye energy:  I can’t focus, I’m down, my get up and go has got up and gone

Goodbye awareness: Conscious eating is out of the window, think before I speak? – not so much, getting gnarly about the small stuff is on the rise
 

Goodbye fun: there’s a heaviness to everything, a desire to sit under my mat not on it, I haven’t phoned a friend in a while

Interesting isn’t it. The thing about yoga practice is that when you start it’s like a hit that lights you up for days afterwards. Then after you get accustomed to feeling happy and bright most of the time it’s a huge imposition to not get that feeling. Then you get a bit complacent about it and think, it’s cool, I’ll get back to that in time. Then all of a sudden your mats in a corner gathering dust.

‘nough said. Less blogging more mat time.

We could be heroes, just for one day

Some days it’s hard to muster up the courage to do what we know we ought. I for one am an absolute expert at finding myself things to be busy about, especially when I know there’s an elephant in the room or within my heart which I really need to have a conversation with.

This is the challenge of the yogi. Because sometimes knowing the right thing to do isn’t enough. Sometimes we need to take action. We need to stand tall in our own power and own it. Whatever it is. When we take the seat of the yogi we’re asked questions of ourselves and we get to choose how to respond. Sometimes that response isn’t easy, sometimes it means going against the status quo.

I love that the word courage comes from the French word for heart, coeur. Because that’s what yoga gives us. The courage to stand in our own heart, in our own courage, in our own strength.

That’s why I get on my mat and practice. To know myself more, to know my heart’s longing, so that when I get asked to respond to challenge I have the power. Then I get to stand up as a yogic warrior and act.

Hidden gifts

Hanuman is one of my favourite deities. He’s the monkey god, the gods are reflections of ourselves so it’s not that surprising I’m drawn towards the monkey man.

All good things start, as my mum would tell me, with the mother. In Hanuman’s case this is Anjana. Anjana was a very devout woman who wanted nothing more than to be a mother. To this end she prayed and practiced daily. The wind god, Vayu, heard her prayers and resolved to help Anjana, to this end he sent some grains of rice with his bird friends to Anjana. As she reached into the air with her hands in Anjali Mudra the birds dropped the grains of rice into her hands. Knowing better than to question the gift she’d received, Anjana simply opened her mouth and tossed in the rice. As soon as they hit her stomach she became pregnant.

When we first start a yoga practice I would say it’s pretty normal to want everything straight away. To become a master or at least have a list of things we want to tick off, so we can say we’ve done it. Or at least that’s how I was and secretly still am. It took a long time for me to realise that this practice isn’t linear, sometimes it doesn’t make any sense and sometimes we feel confused and demotivated. The thing about yoga is that we get exactly what we need and we don’t get to decide what that is. We must, as Anjana did, show up, every day, clean the mirror of our deepest Self and accept whatever we are offered. In our society, that’s not so easy, staying in the moment with what is isn’t easy. However, when we do play in the present moment life gets a whole lot simpler and happier.

Hanumania!

My teaching has taken an interesting turn of late and moved into a rhythm of six weekly cycles. The cycle just gone has all been about the different elements in nature which we align with when we come to our practice. The next series is inspired by my great friend.

I’m going to be integrating the stories of Hanuman, my favourite deity, into my classes and seeing what we can learn from the great monkey god. It’s ok not to know much about Hanuman, that’s part of the fun. My teacher explains all of these things like they’re maps, they’re not there to tell us what to believe or think, they’re simply there to help us on this journey. It’s like when you visit a new city, it’s handy to have something to guide you, it’s not going to tell you which way to go.

I love the rich symbolism held within the stories of the deities. And Hanuman has lots: from the story of his birth right through to his stories of heroism. It is said that we are all of the characters in the story and although they have been told for generations we can know our own lives better by hearing and contemplating them from where we sit in the moment we hear them.

That’s why I never get tired of hearing the stories because each time they reveal something new. They are organic and ever changing. It’s Hanumania!

What's outside is inside, what's inside is outside

We've definitely witnessed the forces of nature over the last few weeks in the UK. Constant rain in the South East, much more like I remember in the South West where once I’m sure it rained from October to March without a break. It hasn't been glamorous, no flashfloods, thunderstorms or anything like that, just constant, damp and unrelenting, the weather the British climate does so well. It was greatly needed and greatly purifying. What I noticed most of all is the reflection in my own life. As things started to go somewhat awry for me personally, the rain came down and kept coming down. Even amidst the intensity I couldn’t help wondering if that rain was coming down to wash away old patterns, old ways of doing things, like a torrent, allowing for nothing but the new to arise.

What was remarkable was that once my personal intensity had past the sun started to poke out from behind the clouds. And now, as I sit with the sun blazing through the windows I’m grateful that not only is my situation resolving but I believe there’s been an opening for much deeper, more profound relationship to arise.

I’m not trying to say that the Universe brought the rain for me; even thinking that makes me smile a little. What I’m saying is that yoga is all about lining up with nature, lining up with those threads which join us all and seeing the shared human condition there. It’s about noticing that what is happening right now is not something which has been done to us, it’s simply the play of life and our role is to play our part and use our lessons wisely. Or not, there’s value in ignoring the rain sometimes too.

Give yourself some space

I’m approaching the end of my series on the five elements: space. The final frontier. Apologies, I couldn’t resist.

It’s a bit of a tricky concept because of the intangibility of space. Space is really the area that we occupy, however, the cool thing is that the world is mostly space... wah? My friend explains it this way: if Wembley Park were an atom the amount of actual matter would be the size of a pea. Yep, my eyes kinda dilated and my head expanded a little bit from that comment. Try this one: two objects can never actually touch, there’s always space inbetween. You think your hands are clapping together, the ball is bouncing on the floor, ‘fraid not, not quite!

Why does any of this matter except to bring about brain ache? It matters because when we have those moments, like every other second for me, that we’re not enough, we’re lacking, that the whole world is closing in on us and we just can’t break free we can remember how much space there is and carve a little extra out just for us.

Find a little more space this week by plonking down on a meditation cushion or other comfortable spot, setting a timer (or space creator you might call it) and taking a journey deep inside, to the final frontier.

Let go...

There are some times in life when it all becomes a little bit overwhelming. When the list of things to do or things to worry about becomes so much that there’s nothing for it but to throw everything into the air and pray that something comes in to help you out. The thing is, it does.

So this week I’ve been teaching that there is a beauty in just surrendering. I understand that surrender is a difficult word. It seems to makes us vulnerable and no longer in control. What I would say is that we’re not in control. No matter how much we think we are or how much human beings evolve to protect themselves. All it takes is a hurricane to dispel that myth.

What it doesn’t mean is that we give up responsibility, and therein lies the paradox. We can only take responsibility for our actions and let go of the outcome. How we are within and without ourselves does have an effect on the world, so what do you choose? I choose to charge myself with as much positive energy as I can muster so that I create that energy in my world. We can choose to do the opposite. It’s just that at some point we have to just leave for more space, more breath and more light to move into us. We can only do that if we’ve let go of the expectations we have for our life. That’s surrender.

So this week, let go by turning throwing it into the air and turning everything upside down. Literally. Do a handstand, a headstand, a shoulderstand or simply put your legs up the wall. Then let it go.

I'm on fire!

Moving through the elements we get to fire. I’m generally a pretty fiery person which is good most of the time. However, if I’m not careful I get burnt out. Quite literally. Fire does that, it can be destructive or it can be a way to bring about change. Nothing ever happened because we wished for it, at some point we also had to act.

So what does that mean when we come to our yoga mats? Because there always has something to be do with yoga, right?

From the first breath it’s the reason why we set an intention for the practice. Why we practice, why we continue to ask that question, like a match sparking. Then we really get fired up, we engage muscles so our bodies can carry that intention. After that we stoke the fire with more air by finding more space in the pelvis and shoulders. The fire really starts to roar when we scoop our sitting bones and draw the heads of the armbones back. Then the final expansion comes in as we spread our fiery bodies out from that super ignited core. No you’re on fire!

That’s in every pose, and that’s how dreams come true.

Dive in!

This week is all about the water element. It’s fun to think of our asana practice in terms of how we relate to each of the five elements, it gives us a totally different perspective on these poses we do all the time. The thing about water is that it appears to us in many different forms, from the deep ocean to the playful stream.

It holds great mystery and great danger. Energy flows through all of our body’s systems like a vast series of underground rivers, it gets stuck and stagnant so that sometimes we have to flush it out.

This week when you come to your mat I invite you to dive deep into the ocean of your own consciousness and explore the unknown within. Choose a pose, a backbend is good, that calls upon you to hold the stillness so that you can open up fully, crash like a wild wave and open your heart to this great universal flow.

Then allow everything to settle back into the river bed, the silt which you’ve shaken up to be refreshed by a new vibrancy and openness. Allow each part of yourself to be refreshed and revived. And you don’t even need to go anywhere near a beach, unless you want to.

Out of the bubble

I’ve just come back from teacher training, again. It was so much fun. No matter how much training I do there’s always something new to learn. What I learnt this time most of all is that this whole thing is a journey. We start off in the little protected bubble of the mat, being guided by our teachers and held by our friends. Then, and sometimes I’m not sure why, we step off the mat and walk to the front of the room. That’s when we get all these amazing maps and all of a sudden our mat becomes a flying carpet from which we view the world afresh.

Doing a training of any kind, by which I mean really any practice infact – from closing your eyes for a few moments, to a kickasana practice to a 108 hour TT – is much like stopping in at a rest stop. You get touch in with your journey. I’m not really concerned with where I’m going anymore, except Starbucks, that’s usually in the equation somewhere.

Sometimes we need to dust off our maps a bit or unfold that corner which got crumpled in your bag that time you forgot about it. Then to look up at the sky on a beautiful sunny day and feel so grateful you’re on this path and someone gave you some landmark and then you never want to stop seeking out new places to go.

Twisting the night away...

It’s around this time of year when go home and my mum has turned the house upside down. Dust, vacuum, stuff, everywhere. Oh yes, it’s spring cleaning time. I have to say, I’m not quite as diligent as my mum. However, I do find that I’m drawn into my kitchen and it does end up looking like a microcosm of my mum’s house. I love to cook so to create deliciousness in my home I first need to do a bit of organisation. That means everything comes out of the cupboards, shelves, fridge and freezer. Create a bit of space. Then everything gets clean and put back so I know exactly where it is. The rubbish gets junked, that spice I used in a curry a year ago, it’s outta here. Then I restock my kitchen with what I really want in there, so I can make magic.

So it’s a thing at spring time I know. And the yogis equivalent of spring cleaning is twists. This week I’ve been on my mat twisting away, rinsing and soaking, as we say, my internal organs. Doing twists is like cooking from a recipe, you need certain ingredients:

1. A strong foundation, whatever part of you is on the floor stays on the floor. That means the side you’re twisting away from doesn’t join the party. That, my friends, is what you call a turn, not a twist
2. A whole wad of a big breath, so you get super long in the torso
3. Hugging the midline so you’re super clear through the whole of your spine
4. Then you have everything you need twist the night away. Make sure you drink lots of water, sluice out the toxins.

Up above the streets and houses...

I had my haircut last weekend. That’s not a cue for lots of compliments about my hair, although; please feel free to compliment my hair. It was one of those days which doesn’t know whether to rain or be sunny or do both... at the same time.

So I had my hair washed and was being sat down to be made pretty and the lady washing my hair said “I wish it would stop raining”... I looked outside and said “wow, look at that rainbow”. Suddenly she got totally excited about the rainbow and even apologised for getting excited. I was like “dude, I know, I get excited by a cup of tea and a biscuit, it’s the small things that matter”.

Thing is, often we’re so busy with day to day stuff that we forget that there’s so much beauty around us, that moment in time where the conditions are perfect to create this amazing vision; a rainbow. It’s a miracle that light and water combine to split apart white light into a spectrum of colours. I wonder how many times I’ve missed one because I’ve been rushing away from the next downpour.

So this week is most definitely a backbend week. How many ways can I fully extend my spine into a perfect arch the most radiant way and create my very own rainbow. Who knows, I might find my very own pot of gold.

Wow!

I pretty much knew that yoga is amazing and healing for all kinds of people and for all kinds of reasons. What I hadn’t fully appreciated is how frickin’ fast that transformation can be. I guess that once you’ve been practicing a while you get used to being able to make a shift in a few poses. You get used to feeling good most of the time and when you don’t, how you get back to balance. Suddenly feeling good is the norm, feeling “off” is well, “off”.

So this week I’m taking a moment to pause.

Because when we pause we notice. We notice where we were, where we’ve been and that gives us more confidence as we tread forward into the future. Because it’s when we take that moment to pause and notice that we navigate more skilfully. When we try and power through we’re like a fly crashing into a window, we’re just never going to get out into the fresh air.

And with spring on the horizon, I definitely want more air, more breath, more “wow, that’s was incredible!” moments.

Yes, spring time!

I’ve been hanging out with my meditation cushion a lot of late. Here’s what I’ve been practicing in honour of my friend who’s no longer with us. She taught me so many things, this meditation is a sliver and with spring well on the horizon it’s a good ‘un.

Sit down and make yourself comfortable. Set your timer: 5, 10, 60 minutes – whatever time you have.
Close your eyes and find your breath.

Imagine yourself in an empty field full of the brightest of bright green grass with the sun shining.
Start to think of all the things you have in your life which you’re grateful for. I like to go through different categories of things each day, like: everything within myself, everything within my world, every part of my past, present and future, all of my relationships, all of the things which make me laugh... you’ll find more.
Every time you think of something you get to plant a daisy. Some days daisies will grow quickly, sometimes not so much. What’s important is to look.

When you’ve come up with all the daisies you can, step back and look at your field. Enjoy your breath and being bathed in beauty.

We often forget all of the things we have which make us blessed. Take a few moments today to remember. I promise it will make you feel better.

It is Valentine's day this week...

I’ve read a lot of letters this week. This is my letter, my love letter to yoga.

Dear yoga

I love you, unconditionally and forever. I love that you have landed me so gently in a place in my life which feels perfect. You’ve gave me my life back.

I love that you beckon me silently and persistently to practice every day to open my heart and be vulnerable.

I love the crazy poses, I love that one Addho Mukka Svanasana can shift me. All I have to do is show up, line up and open up.

I love that you’ve brought me some of the most amazing and loving people into my life. People for whom words cannot express my delight at knowing them, it’s simply the echo of a heart calling to a heart.

I love that you make me fearless and emboldened simply by learning to know myself better. I know truly there is nothing to be fearful of.

I love that you weave a rich tapestry of consciousness through each moment. Making each moment is a beautiful expression of beauty in my unique experience.

I love that I can choose to see all of this or choose not to.

May I always stay true.

Sweet patience

I’ve done a lot of yoga this year. Yes, I’m aware it’s only February. However, I think it’s fair to say 65 hours is a lot of practice. I count, don’t ask, I do.

There are days when inspiration seems to pile up in the expression of movement. There are days when I can’t seem to put one asana in front of another. There are days when I just want to be able to do that pose. I get that a lot, being impatient. Right now I suspect strongly it is my Sadhana, this is a less I need to learn and the Universe is going to keep on giving it to me until I get the hint. Or don’t.

The Universe is like that.

 So I can choose to rebel against or I can try and figure out what it really means to me right in this moment. That’s all we’re ever invited to do. Live in this moment, what is there right here, right now that I can dedicate myself fully to. We might not like it, we might not think it’s “perfect”, nothing ever is. We just get to show up and participate.

That’s when it all gets a bit juicy. Seriously, anything can be a life enhancing moment. I sing in the shower, I actually sing everywhere. It makes people smile and it definitely makes others smile.

Be the star you are!

London is dark. It’s raining. So how come I feel like a seed reverberating underground, ready to shoot forth new green shoots?

Part of me thinks it’s best not to ask. However, the yogi in me can’t help it.

Here’s my theory: last year I spent a lot of time going inside, asking questions of myself. Why yoga? Why teaching? Why this, let’s own it, craziness?

I got answers, I got more questions, I got a frown and a smile. What I mainly got was a deeper awareness of myself, what does motivate me and why I do come back to the mat day after day.

The reason is pretty simple. I got to be the person I always thought I was inside but never quite knew how to be. It’s not like yoga changed me, more like it unveiled me. In a good way, not an emperor’s new clothes way. I’m not there yet, no way. Where I am though is at a point of no return, again... in a good way. This is the point at which my mind quiets and I move from a place of deep inner knowledge. Definitely not every moment, I do travel on London Underground daily and I am human. Although I do now have knowledge and a memory of feeling this amazing, like that seed ready to burst forth my heart yearns to know itself and connect with every other heart. Yoga gave me the ability to be the person I always thought I was but never knew how to be. It’s that simple, that complex and always evolving.

However, that’s a bit of a mouthful though and I spent a number of weeks rolling it around in my mind, trying to put make it clear, universal. One day, I was on the train, flicking through my ipod and My Way by Ian Brown came up. I love that album, I love Ian Brown. He can’t sing and he can’t dance and yet... oh yet, he’s like a magnet to me. I can listen over and over and over to those tunes.

My favourite song on that album is called Stellify. It’s a crazy song with a beat and the accompanying video is basically him and a brass brand marching around Manchester. I guess harking back to F.E.A.R. when he rode a bike backwards around Soho. Something about it sucks me in and makes me play it again and again. Brown says it's the first love song he's ever consciously written.

It struck me that morning when I played that song. That’s it. That’s why I do yoga, why I keep doing yoga and why every time I teach I wish to transmit that feeling. Stellify means to become starlike, to be a star. The paradox that we are stars, each and every being, we just get to shine even brighter and connect like a constellation around the earth. Like so much else, what it boils down to is love.

That's it, be the star you are!