Alone with everybody

The thing about yoga is that you don't get to do it alone. Even though I spend so much time on my own. There is a difference between being on your own and being lonely. Let's face it, yoga is a solitary endeavour, we do it in our own little mat, sometimes we break up into partners, mainly we're in our own body and mind. I practice mostly on my own, I plan my classes on my own, when I teach it's me up there at the front on my own. The whole purpose it to go inside yourself and know you better.

So how come I never feel lonely? I never feel lonely because this is a very ancient practice, millions have walked it before me and millions will walk it afterwards. When I chant, I chant words which have been spoken through the ages and will continue to be sung because of the power in their resonance. When I'm lucky enough to be in a crowd in a class there is an energy which lifts everyone. When I read a text, the words have been read and spoken so, so many times.

I am connected through this practice. We are all connected.  

Today's post is brought to you by the number 7...

It’s 3:42am on 8th July 2012 and I’m called on to write, I will not be able to rest until I do. I have never wished to speak about my experience on 7th July 2005 while I was going to work except in the most private of situations and I don’t wish to express it now. We all have our stories that we all carry with us. Our experience, like tiny shards of coloured glass, make a stained glass window for light to stream through in the most unique way. It is who we are, this experience is part of who I am as much as everything else which has happened to me. It is me.

Seven appears to be symbolic. Seven anniversaries have passed since what happened that day. These seven years are bookended by my country winning the Olympic bid and now being ready to deliver The Games. Seven years and my body has completely renewed itself of all its tissues. I am literally a new person. Yet I still carry the experience in every fibre of my being. What I left behind on that train made space for me to carry what my friend and hero once described as my 52 silent friends.

Words never really seem enough and yet, words are sometimes all there are. Always when I have felt like I had nothing left to give, I reached out for help. When I thought there was no help, I reached out. When I didn’t know I needed help, it came. While I sit here now I realise I had the words, they already exist and have done for centuries, they dropped into my head this morning and have been repeating themselves in my mind all day.

 

लॉका समस्ता सुखिनो भवंतु

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bavantu

"May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and my the thoughts words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and freedom for all"

May -  this is my intention. I may not get it every moment of every day. However, in the act forgetting is the act of remembering. I will ease up on myself when sometimes, oftentimes I miss the mark.

All beings everywhere - even just within myself this asks much, yet this is what I truly believe I am being asked to step up to do. Can I accept all parts of myself: the part which forgets, the parts which gets angry, the parts which I try and hide. All of me. And all beings, that’s harder still. Every single being is here because they are meant to be. When I don’t except parts of me, when I pretend some beings are separate from me I become disconnected. When this happens, the darkness has won. If I miss one of those shards of coloured glass, light cannot shine fully through me. Therefore, I welcome and acknowledge all parts of myself and all beings.

Be happy and free - It is our nature to be happy and free. Even on days when it feels inappropriate or our outward expression cannot be one which is joyful. We are in the uniquely privileged position of a human birth. Happy and free is what we are, this what we are meant to be. This is the light which shines through the window of my experience. Even when my window gets dirty and the light isn’t so bright, it is always there. I will shine my light.

And my the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute - thoughts, words and actions are powerful. Thoughts are unmanifested words, actions are words becoming reality. What I think, say and do is important. I choose to the best of my ability to choose my thoughts, words and actions carefully with the knowledge that I am happy and free, just like everyone else.

In some way - “No man is an island, entire of itself. Each man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main” - John Donne. My thoughts, words and actions make up part of the consciousness of humanity, a part of our collective stained glass window. We are many and we are one.

To that happiness and freedom for all - As much as my nature is to be happy and free, so is it every other being on the planet. Every single one. To ignore one is to diminish all.

To my 52 silent friends, I carry you with me always. And I set this intention for you.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bavantu

Balancing on the paradox

The 12 segments of the Zodiac keep turning and we find ourselves deep within the Cancerian section of the zodiac. I take a peek at star signs occasionally to see what I can learn. Cancerians are known for being a bundle of contradictions, living life on the turn of their emotions. The yogi learns to balance these contradictions in the eternal paradox that it means to be human, which is: how can we be in the body and yet be free? That’s what spiritual practice is for.

Because, if we can find a place where two seemingly contradictory things meet, we have found the place of balance. And that’s the place where freedom resides. This is quite literally why we do yoga poses. The further away we take ourselves from where we feel centred, standing upright, to turning ourselves upside down, eg handstand we completely change our perspective and have to move into where it feel uncomfortable. That way, we can find our way back, whenever we get taken off centre, by whatever life throws at us. I love the quote by T.S. Eliot, one of my favourite explanations of this eternal paradox:

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

Purifying pulsation

I’ve been feeling under the weather for the last couple of weeks, it’s ok, it’s just a cold, I’ll live! What I found interesting is that we have this expression “under the weather”, as if we equate our inner experience to the outer by way of communicating this message. It reminds me of one of the Upanishads, one of the seminal works of yoga philosophy: what's inside is outside and what's outside is inside. Essentially, we carry a microcosm of the universe within our bodies.

I love to think of myself in this way, to draw the parallels between myself and nature. To understand that there are constant cycles, pulsation, what the Tantrikas call Spanda. Day follows night, summer follows spring. These things are all so familiar to us and returning to them time and again regrounds use into our essential nature, the earth. It’s only with a solid foundation that you can build a house, the same goes for our bodies.

When we honour these cycles, when I rest, do restorative or pranayama (breathing exercises) because I’m sick or tired, I find I’m much more able to expand out from a place of solid foundation. It feels really good J

Right here, right now

I took a wonderful class recently which explored the Tantric idea of bringing everything to the mat as a way to expand and grow. It’s clear now to me, through years of practice that there are parts of ourselves which we don’t like very much and try to push away, as if somehow we could rid ourselves of them. Douglas Brooks would say that there is nothing we need which we don’t already have and by the same token, nothing we need to get rid of.

I found this a liberating idea when I first grasped it. It don’t tend to slip and slide away from me when the every day pressures and stress of life come up. However, I now begin to notice myself and am able to realise that it is simply the situation and not something in me which is inherently awry. It’s freeing, what we cultivate and grow inside which express outwards and what your heart truly desires becomes self perpetuating as we project that with more clarity on the outside.

Simply to know that you are everything you are meant to be right here, right now is empowering. It means everything which went before and everything which is to come is meaningful. In spiritual practice nothing is wasted and that’s the kind of life I want to lead :)

Karmarama

I have a close friend who always asks me about yoga. He's genuinely interested and because I'm a total dork I can't help but plough forth with a massive spiel on whatever question I'm being asked about. Recently I've begun to rib him about actually getting on a mat and finding out for himself.

Then I realise I do this ALL the time myself. Find an excuse not to practice. We all do and I've long since stopped beating myself up about it. That only ends up with me taking a longer time to get back on the bandwagon. It's an interesting conundrum though, why do we resist so strongly the things which our hearts yearn for?

I certainly don't have an answer, it's just a pattern I notice in myself and a pretty strong one in others. What's interesting though is that is happens whatever your practice is, whether you're a fresh faced yogi or a seasoned practitioner with decades on the mat, there's often a "I don't do this well enough" comment on the cards. It's what the Tantrikas would call Karma Mala, the feeling of not being able to accomplish actions. Yes, the Yogis of the early Common Era had massive to do lists which they found overwhelming too.

So what to do? Flip over the coin and see  the other side of Karma Mala. Seeing what you can accomplish and where you already are. Here's the thing: if we didn't feel a little Karma Malic occasionally where would our passion come from? In a lot of ways we need it, so we can move forward. The trick is to be objective about it. The fact you're aware is pretty amazing, carry on with that line of enquiry, get on your mat, set yourself goals then let them go. Do it all with a smile on your face, it will change your life!