Today's post is brought to you by the number 7...

It’s 3:42am on 8th July 2012 and I’m called on to write, I will not be able to rest until I do. I have never wished to speak about my experience on 7th July 2005 while I was going to work except in the most private of situations and I don’t wish to express it now. We all have our stories that we all carry with us. Our experience, like tiny shards of coloured glass, make a stained glass window for light to stream through in the most unique way. It is who we are, this experience is part of who I am as much as everything else which has happened to me. It is me.

Seven appears to be symbolic. Seven anniversaries have passed since what happened that day. These seven years are bookended by my country winning the Olympic bid and now being ready to deliver The Games. Seven years and my body has completely renewed itself of all its tissues. I am literally a new person. Yet I still carry the experience in every fibre of my being. What I left behind on that train made space for me to carry what my friend and hero once described as my 52 silent friends.

Words never really seem enough and yet, words are sometimes all there are. Always when I have felt like I had nothing left to give, I reached out for help. When I thought there was no help, I reached out. When I didn’t know I needed help, it came. While I sit here now I realise I had the words, they already exist and have done for centuries, they dropped into my head this morning and have been repeating themselves in my mind all day.

 

लॉका समस्ता सुखिनो भवंतु

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bavantu

"May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and my the thoughts words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and freedom for all"

May -  this is my intention. I may not get it every moment of every day. However, in the act forgetting is the act of remembering. I will ease up on myself when sometimes, oftentimes I miss the mark.

All beings everywhere - even just within myself this asks much, yet this is what I truly believe I am being asked to step up to do. Can I accept all parts of myself: the part which forgets, the parts which gets angry, the parts which I try and hide. All of me. And all beings, that’s harder still. Every single being is here because they are meant to be. When I don’t except parts of me, when I pretend some beings are separate from me I become disconnected. When this happens, the darkness has won. If I miss one of those shards of coloured glass, light cannot shine fully through me. Therefore, I welcome and acknowledge all parts of myself and all beings.

Be happy and free - It is our nature to be happy and free. Even on days when it feels inappropriate or our outward expression cannot be one which is joyful. We are in the uniquely privileged position of a human birth. Happy and free is what we are, this what we are meant to be. This is the light which shines through the window of my experience. Even when my window gets dirty and the light isn’t so bright, it is always there. I will shine my light.

And my the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute - thoughts, words and actions are powerful. Thoughts are unmanifested words, actions are words becoming reality. What I think, say and do is important. I choose to the best of my ability to choose my thoughts, words and actions carefully with the knowledge that I am happy and free, just like everyone else.

In some way - “No man is an island, entire of itself. Each man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main” - John Donne. My thoughts, words and actions make up part of the consciousness of humanity, a part of our collective stained glass window. We are many and we are one.

To that happiness and freedom for all - As much as my nature is to be happy and free, so is it every other being on the planet. Every single one. To ignore one is to diminish all.

To my 52 silent friends, I carry you with me always. And I set this intention for you.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bavantu

Balancing on the paradox

The 12 segments of the Zodiac keep turning and we find ourselves deep within the Cancerian section of the zodiac. I take a peek at star signs occasionally to see what I can learn. Cancerians are known for being a bundle of contradictions, living life on the turn of their emotions. The yogi learns to balance these contradictions in the eternal paradox that it means to be human, which is: how can we be in the body and yet be free? That’s what spiritual practice is for.

Because, if we can find a place where two seemingly contradictory things meet, we have found the place of balance. And that’s the place where freedom resides. This is quite literally why we do yoga poses. The further away we take ourselves from where we feel centred, standing upright, to turning ourselves upside down, eg handstand we completely change our perspective and have to move into where it feel uncomfortable. That way, we can find our way back, whenever we get taken off centre, by whatever life throws at us. I love the quote by T.S. Eliot, one of my favourite explanations of this eternal paradox:

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

Moving in, finding my light

I struggle with forward bends, I'd much rather be out there in the world bending over backwards (quite literally) for other people. Yet, what I noticed when I was asked to consider what I've got from Hatha yoga in the last year was the massive impact on relationships in my life: with myself, with those around me, with people I come in contact with.

The thing is, when I feel like I'm connected to myself, that's when I'm empowered to go out into the world with confidence and zeal. That's when my inner landscape becomes my outer landscape and I can see the world in a new light, the light which shines within me. So that's why I've set an intention this week to practice forward bends. Because when we fold in on ourselves we reconnect to what is true within us, then we can't help but send it back out. John Friend often uses the analogy that when you light a candle with another candle the first candle doesn't diminish, everything just gets brighter.

So although going into forward bends might not be my favourite thing, they're hard, I need to do a lot of stuff: ground my thighs, power up my legs, inner and outer spiral, be honest with myself about maintaining the integrity of my spine AND BREARH! I know that when I go back into my happy place of backbends I'll be able to maintain the integrity of my own light.

Diving deep to swim in the currents of grace

I've recently come to the realisation that I'm tired of being terrified of new things. OK, well not terrified but sometimes nervous enough that I miss out on some of the experience. Looking back on my notes for my immersions and teacher trainings I find myself thinking: "where exactly was I?".

You only get to experience firsts once and I for one don't want to miss out on it. The way I see it is that if I can be mindful in a situation which has a few other emotions tied up with it, I can enjoy the moment and the more I rest in the moment the more and more I want to be there. It then becomes like a spiral (inner or outer, sorry, Anusara pun), can I see the patterns in life where get tossed and thrown around as simply that, yet still hold my centre and find fresh meaning. Then, if I can see these patterns can I see each an every moment as a gift, something to be seen through a fresh pair of playful eyes. Then I'll truly be swimming in the currents of grace.
So, I'm doing what I usually do. Put it on the mat. Challenging myself in new poses, poses I don't like, can't do. It's an experient and play all rolled into one.

Rinsing & Soaking into spring

I love this time of year. The promise of newness, feeling naughty because you're going home when it's still light, the lightness of spirit as the rest of the world lightens. There's something about spring which lets me open up to new possibilities in a way I don't do so much during the rest of the year. I'm reminded of calling my mum a couple of years ago, I could tell she was flustered and there was a lot of noise. I said "what are you doing", the answer, "spring cleaning"...

I was transported back to my youth when every year my mum would turn the house upside down to dust away the cobwebs, throw away the junk and invite the new light in. What really made me worry is that this week I found myself on the floor of the kitchen, cupboards in disarray as I prepared myself for my spring cleanse.

So this has to be fodder for my classes this week. I wanted to welcome the spring and the answer came when I took a YogaGlo class with Marc Holzman this weekend, the theme was different and so inspiring but I loved the focus on twists. The idea of clearing and cleaning can't get any close to the mat than when we practice twists. They're so much fun! So that's what am doing this week, rinsing and soaking, clearing and decluttering so I can let the new light in and the beauty shine out.